Here I am...again...at the airport...on standby.

JNB Johannesburg

I guess that is what you get when your mother gets two free tickets to Paris after hosting an air steward friend of hers for 3 weeks while he was visiting South Africa. I am definitely not going to complain (plus who would listen and bitching is much more of a spectator sport).

I realised as I was sitting here, sipping a lovely lemon breeze smoothie from Kauai (an orgasmilicious organic healthy fast food store here in SA), that I have not even had a look where I want to really see in Paris. Of course there are the good old faithfuls of the Sacre Coeur, Eiffel Tower and other such huge monumental French erections <grin>. These will be taken care of by one of those generic bus tours that drop you off at auspicious places of extreme slap-me-in-the-face-I'm-dreaming beauty. My mom's friend booked us to see a show at the Moulin Rouge would should be a bohemian wonderland of an experience. I know for one whole morning I just want to get up early and walk along the river and bridges and get lost in the heady mists of a Parisian spring time.  I want to allow a certain amount of organic up spring of the very moment without plan and judgement. I am all for getting lost in the milieu of a city's energy and seeing where I end consciousness wise.

sacre couer

Croatia is my supposed homeland, although I was born and raised in South Africa and have only been there twice many many moons ago. I really just want to relax into the place. There are a few excursions; going to Dubrovnik, Medjugorje (where the famous sightings of Mary were) and trips to my mom's and dad's villages. Besides the comments of, 'Oh you were so little when we saw you....etc....etc....etc' I am sure it will be very interesting to see how I react to being to my familiar roots. I have no expectations of what it will do for me or to me.

Spiritually I am taking the time to be in the moment. To truly be present in this very singular Now that permeates everything. To my surprise I find it is alot easier than it ever has been. I am guessing that going to the Karma Kagyu buddhist centre has been helping to concrete these levels and lines in my consciousness. I am also trying to get in touch with my more christian roots but in the mystic sense (the only way I think I can get in touch with it in an authentic way) and am reading a bit in it and seeing how it resonates. Although I think buddhism will be the path I follow I definitely think that your history is a foundation you need to integrate and work with too.

In the now

The bells ring and the intercoms come and go and I need to go. Wishing all of you happiness, health and love.

Shanti.
Amen.
Namaste.

I am always amazed at the organic processes of perceptions and consciousness. Sometimes you feel like you are living your life, sometimes it is like you are being lived by something far bigger than you, sometimes I just lie around inert and unmoving. Maybe there are just so many quadrants, lines and levels to life that it is a hard thing to actually inhabit all of them equally.

Perhaps it is a matter of Ken Wilber's being enlightened in emptiness and in fullness and until you can hold it all you are still moving towards enlightenment. I am so glad that people like Wilber and Andrew Cohen (amongst a chorus of others!) are redefining what it means to be enlightened in today post-postmodern world. I used to feel so inadequate and self-critical when it came to this idealised version of enlightenment being such a out-there event that only pristine other-worldy beings attain on cloud nine.

For the first time in the last year or so, I genuinely feel that enlightenment is a point of reference that can be followed. Not to downplay the hard work that is needed in letting go enough of all your judgments and whirrings of the mind. The simplest thing....not the easiest though.

I think it may all come down to choice, which is your ultimate power, your ultimate access to the grace of the universe. Informed as it is by many many factors from intuition to societal forces to romantic relationships. I have lately been thinking of this journey to enlightenment as sitting in the middle of the AQAL diagram; all parts of me ,interior consciousness, exterior material world, social interiors and exteriors. They are all balanced by my centredness in the middle of it all, the non-moving point in the centre is where enlightenment radiates out through all lines/levels, through all quadrants into infinity.
So the journey to enlightenment is to stop moving and find that still point around which all movement occurs.

I feel most at this point when I take the time to get out into the African bush and those glorious sunsets frame the trees in the blazing empty fullness of Spirit in this very moment.

ph-11014

Amen, Amen, Amen

I am back....if anyone is still around that is and cares to listen (no not being self deprecating just poking fun!).

I decided to just take a break during the new year to get my shit in order internally as well as externally. There were just signs of impending earthquakes; shudders that shook the ground and whispered in your ear, "you best have some back up plans, sanity might take a back seat."

I will give a short summary forthwith, herewith and so forth. I started going to buddhist meditation at the local Karma Kagyu centre and it is giving me a much needed focus. I realise it is time to stop shopping and to commit to a path of some depth. I am not sure if this is it but it is the start of earnestly looking for one.

I have also started my Masters this year due to some nagging little voice in my head telling me to do it. Boy oh boy is it alot of work, last week I had lectures from 8am to 6 pm everyday. It is amazing with my work experience behind me how much more applicable all the anatomy lectures are.
 
I have decided I need to get out on my own and have split from my current business partner. There are many varied reasons for this but the main one is that I want to experiment where just my consciousness will take me without another's input. I wrestled with whether I was just being a manic control freak ala Pinky and the brain but after contemplating this I decided it is more  about standing on my own steam. My dad always fed (and still does) his children the idea that we will never succeed and, without him, will fail. I am not proving anything to him but I intuit that forging a path on my own will integrate parts of myself that have been lost to shadow.

Oh, almost forgot! I am also going to Paris and Croatia in April with my mom and brother. Let us  leave that til I actually come back. Anyway I better start my Friday night with a hey and a ho.

Namaste
Ivo

It may be such a simple idea; this idea of just breathing into the moment and letting it dissolve deliciously into the ever present stream. Lately I am struggling to maintain any sort of centre that I find authentic. Maybe my struggle and reaching towards the centre of me is in itself the authentic journey. Ah, the great paradox of it all: the journey to authenticity is as authentic as being centred.

I decided (not necessarily consciously) to take a break from the internet and the world contained within. After Israel  I was  at a loss to intergrate alot of my experiences over there into  my "real" life.  Naturally in this day and age its hard to totally disconnect from the computer but besides work and answering e-mails I haven't been engaged in the cyberworld. Not exactly sure where it has gotten me yet. I get the faint intuition the a precipice approaches with frightening speed.

I have noticed that I am not nearly as hard as I usually am on myself. Perhaps it is a matter of giving myself the space to just allow myself to be a lost little fart in the universe, trying to find my place. Well, place, is not really the right word but find my path through the woods that is my gift to the universe.

As for that precipice coming up that I tried to bypass with the last paragraph! It is a matter of accountability and authenticity. How do I hold my body-mind space in such a way as to let the most Light through? There's the rub!

Accountability : a matter of finally being a responsible adult, in the true mature spiritual sense of it. Knowing that I am entirely responsible for my action and reprocussions of leading my life amongst the rest of the souls on this planet.

Authenticity : being true to myself, to others and surrendering to Spirit all at the same time (not an easy job mind you). Basically a sense of alignment that allow the pure spiritual force of my soul impregnating this time-space.

While that is all going on, this time of year fills me with so much introspective energy. A turning in on myself that didn't use to be there two years ago. My brother committed suicide just over two years ago and his birthday happens to fall on christmas. I am not going into all that whole story but it obviously colours the day in shades of nostalgia and dropping from my mind to my heart. So just for today I want to ask all that read this blog to just silently (or not) say Om Mani Padme Hum mantra on behalf of my brother, Robert Visic, for the benefit of all sentient beings in the universe.

Om Mani Padme Hum

Om Mani Padme Hum
Wishing you all a blessed holiday.

Lots of Love
Ivo

I am writing, everyone who reads this blog (would be nice to hear from some of you and your opinions *hint* *hint*), from Haifa in Israel. I am in the middle of a two week holiday here visiting my boyfriend's family for various functions.

I am always amazed at how being in a different country stretches you in new and interesting ways. Some of it is self-directed and some are Spirit in action applying taffy-like forces to your personality. There have just been some amazing experiences of ancient cities to deeply emotionally-moving museums to arabian markets that envelope the senses.

Caesaria on the Mediterranean coast truly immersed you in the life of ancient romans. The ancient colloseum structure of the theatre was truly an amazing acoustic marvel, you can hear everything from the stage even from the top of the very steep stairs (gives you that lovely woozy feeling on top, yay for vertigo). You see history overlaid, period over period, victory over victory in the crusader churches, artist markets and intact harbour with traditional arab fisherman.  Walking on the beach absolutely full to the brim with unbroken shells and unspoiled vistas of nature is something I will always remember. Especially the dash across an area where the water dashes against the rocks and timing was of the essence ie. I got very very wet and walked around with wet jeans all day. I would recommend visiting this wonder of the ancient world to anyone who would care to take my opinion into account.

Ancient city to the Yad Vashem musem atop the hills of Jerusalem. The enormity of this experience upon your humanity is immense. The weight of all that suffering and the sanctity of remembrance interweave to permeate the museum complex (it is massive!) with a subtletly and, at the same time, harsh force of history upon you as the viewer.

The main building is a triangular concrete structure with a huge skylight that weaves from left to right tracing the history and events leading up to "The Final Solution" and ultimately the creation of Israel. Tears well up in the eyes and the heart rises in empathy for the shared humanity of suffering we all could face just for the fact of being a certain race, religion, creed. The vow to never forget is truly realised and understood; the hall of names, which is a vaulted room with a deep rocky pit in the middle with folders upon folders of names of those who died during the holocaust. The end of this triangular museum opens up onto an amazing 180 degree vista of Jerusalem city from the hills. After the heavy silent emotional journey of the museum your soul suddenly enters this vista and the ultimate hope and prayer is that we are free souls.

The most silent reverie surrounds you in the Children's Memorial (for all the children who died in the holocaust) where a single candle is reflected in a myriad of dark mirrors that make you feel like you are walking through thousands of sparks of light (presumably the souls of all the innocents).

Everything from the architecture, music, multimedia presentations, historical artifacts to use of space and light are all choreographed to truly surround you and emotional resonate you to what you are seeing and feeling.

Definitely something you should go to as fulfilment of the vow to never forget and to never let it happen again.

More to come at a later date people, hope you are all enjoying working while I am on holiday *GRIN*

Namaste

How the time whizzes by with barely a thought for us in this chrono-stream bubbling through it. I have had one of those weeks that turns your life around but in the same breath nothing has really changed but my self. Maybe better to say rather that a more authentic Self is burning through the ego; just a tad. Where do I start with what has come up this week?

Lifted

It started with me booking not only one craniosacral session this month but two (the budget did allow, yay).  I went into a somatoemotional release from an energy cyst in my abdominal cavity. The image in my head was of a jawbreaker (gobstopper in the US?) and I could see layers and layers around its core. My therapist approached and I just got this overwhelming fear and she picked it up and asked if I wanted to go into this as it was entirely up to me. I am an aries and a bit gung-ho... I said yeah! Eventually beneath everything were a few experiences of coming into my own, expressing a deep part of me and then...being laughed at or completely embaraassed.  As a defence I have a minor lumbar scoliosis and I pushed back into my therapist's hands with great force (according to her; I was in some way out alpha state). We worked through it and eventually placed the whole area in a compassionate pink-green light that I felt was right for it. The jawbreaker was now a tiny little speck but seemed to say (no wonder I don't tell everyone about this....and here I am writing it on the net but there you go) that it would sit here for two weeks just watching to make sure I was alright since it has looked after me for so many years.

I feel that it is still there but fading. I am seeming to be more authentic and expressing who I am as I feel it in my soul. It is not always that easy for me but something has definitely lifted.

Now it is time for sleep this side. Next in part 2, fairly soon I promise, will talk about the next model in the Rebalancing course I am doing and a 1ness blessing I received which blew me away. I am quite a skeptic as it goes but this was undeniable experience of sunyata (emptiness) if for the briefest of moments.

To be continued.....*dramatic music*....*fade out*

Bad, bad ,bad Ivo bad bad Ivo *rolling up newspaper* ....now that I have finished berating my inner-chihuahua which is looking at me with utter regret in his dark brown eyes of deliciousness I am ready to come out of sabbatical (yeah right that was a sabbatical you were just being a lazy git).

I guess I just haven't been in the mood for writing, never mind that I have been so busy day and night with work related stuff that creeps out of nowhere. I think it was a matter of not allowing spaces for everything in my life at the same time. That happens to all of us though, you pour your chi into on aspect of your life and it slowly leeches out of certain other areas. This is the way of the universe, the yin-yang cycle of life. Where thought goes energy flows. Simple as that.

I have been working intensely on my self (refer to previous blog on procrastination and yoga) to try get all my ducks in a row, geese in a flap or cows in a pasture ( I will stop now!). I major realisation was that I seem to come from a complete "lack of" consciousness. I eat that last cookie (woof - Shut up chihuahua!) because I feel very deeply that it may be the last cookie I ever get to eat - ok that is simplified but not overly so.

Probably a meme of consciousness spreading itself from my parents Yugoslavian communistic upbringing in a small village in what is now Croatia into my dog-like brain lapping it up like a ,well, lap dog.

It is funny how it is actually quite a simple presumption to build a whole ideology up from. You take that simple belief that has been ingrained into you over years of conversations, meals, treats given for good deeds etc etc and you construct a whole world view around it.

In my case leading to always have those few extra kilos (just in case there is a famine I might live a little longer than the skinny next door neighbour) and only having just enough money to get through the month.

Not that I am truly lacking at all if I look at it in a more holistic view. The universe has always provided  and I know I have always trusted in that. The thing is the universe provides only in response to that limits of my belief systems. Issues of deserving, not-enoughness and general de-dum-dee-dum thinking all throw an echo out to the universe and it responds.

Changing these beliefs? All a matter of choice and focus. Away we go and give energy to the thoughts that will build a feedback loop that fulfils by life and reinforces positive thoughts. Let's see how I do....so off to the really real world (where ever that is).

Namaste

I am in the process of breaking down a few areas of my life and struggling to find a way through all my blockages. If anyone has Ganesh's speed dial it would be greatly appreciated!
It is amazing how thoroughly and succinctly we can delude ourselves that we don't know how we are blocking ourselves. I think the problem is not not being intuitive but rather that we know so well and truly where we should go and what we should do. We know our guidance so well that we are literally imploding our energy fields with sabotage.

Example number one for the prosecution dear judge: Yoga and exercise in general were going so well and I was going regularly and enjoying it. It makes me feel good and I definitely have alot more oomph in my body and my energy system.
Cue...Saboteur: but you haven't gone in the past month and you just want to lay around doing (productive in other areas of your life) things but not focusing on your personal fitness and soul needs.

Green Ganesh

I think the saboteur archetype holds alot of repressed and redirected energy with which we could apply to other areas of our life and light them up like christmas trees. I must say it is something I struggle with. I sometimes just get so bogged down by malaise and inertia I feel I can hardly move in certain areas of my life. That is just an excuse and I am now actively working on my blocks and such which seem to be mental. I think I have always somehow made myself believe (through the saboteur in me) that by pushing and having enough willpower I would just do the things that make me happy and that I need to do on some inner-level. I see now that is how I get duped. I need to work on all these internal dialogues and boring diatribes that run like cinema reels in my head. Old voices, new voices, Mom, Dad, Teachers, Me.
So I give up trying to exert my willpower on the world and pushing ahead which so many westerners tend to do. I am now channeling that willpower internally and working out the dross that floats around in my head first. One thing at a time and work on the base cause of my inertial intent and see where we go from there.
Although I am quite sure I will try and trip myself along the way like I looooove doing but that is the journey too and that is learning and growing.

Aum Gam Ganapataye Namaha
Remover of obstacles help me in my quest to move along my journey freely.
Amen